Today I was supposed to be married. I was supposed to have a really hot husband, kids so cute you could eat them, and my mom’s cheesy potato recipe mastered.
Today I was supposed to be an award-winning novelist. I was supposed to have my signature perfected, public speaking mastered, and money issues managed.
Today I was supposed to have insecurity knocked to the curb. I was supposed to have the jealousy and fear of missing out issues handled, self-confidence accomplished, and security in who I was managed.
I think humans have always walked through life with a mental collection of things they must accomplish in a certain amount of time. When things don't go right, we’ve looked to Someone higher and, eloquently or not, said, “But, like, are You forreal?”
You could pick any former age from 18 to 29, and if you would’ve asked me what I’d have at 30, I would’ve given the list above. Sisters, I am weeks from my thirty-first orbit around the sun, and not one of these things can be checked off.
I’m not married to a hot husband, I don’t mother edible children, and I still can’t make those cheesy potatoes like Momma Duff does.
I’m not an award-winning novelist, my signature still vaguely resembles fourth grade Steph’s who thought she was the next Leann Rimes, and budgeting still hurts me.
I don’t have insecurity figured out, I still struggle with jealousy, and I still want to be invited to things, even if there’s a chance my introverting will have me say no.
A life walking alongside Jesus means a life of waiting when we’d rather not.
When we meet the prophet Habakkuk in chapter one, brother is riled up. He desires help from the Lord and he’s wondering just how long things will continue before God steps in and does His thing. I don’t think anything Habakkuk is raising up to the Lord makes him especially unique. He is a human, which by default makes him unique, but his concerns are the skeleton roots of a hundred thousand prayers. Prayers uttered across time and miles from believers to their Father. Why? When? How long? Hurry. Please?
A life walking alongside Jesus means a life of waiting when we’d rather not. It means asking questions knowing the answers may not come with urgency. And hoping blindly with the understanding that what we want and what we need often rest on opposite ends of a spectrum. I see myself in Habakkuk as he’s pleading with the Lord, and I imagine how he might’ve felt when he received the Lord’s answer.
Look among the nations, and see; wonder and be astounded. For I am doing a work in your days that you would not believe if told.
– Habakkuk 1:5
How many times have we been in Habakkuk’s very position – crying out to the Lord, and when we receive something vastly different, felt as if our mic wasn’t on?
But Jesus is at work, even when we don’t see or feel it.
When I was 27-years old, I desperately wanted love. And Jesus called me to India. I went kicking and screaming. I didn’t understand why I had to go around the world, because I was certain I wasn’t going to meet a man there. And I didn’t. But I met a boy. And he changed everything.
Can we live in wonder, waiting to be astounded?
There are only so many scenarios we can imagine, as humans. But God sees everything. And because He sees everything, His work, whether I feel it or not, is far better than any scene my narrow-mindedness can conjure. You see, I went to India, I met a boy, and my entire life flipped upside down. I learned what it meant to love someone you’d rarely see and talk to. I learned to say yes, not knowing what might come next. I learned all the things I’d hoped for weren’t bad, but they weren’t the best for me at that time.
I don’t know what you’re dreaming for or praying about, but I imagine it’s not coming as swiftly as you’d like. Can we challenge each other today, sisters? Can we live in wonder, waiting to be astounded? While I’m sure the thing you’re praying for is lovely and worth your prayers, I know Jesus has a bigger storyline, with bolder roles for you. And He’s just waiting to escort you onto the page.
We cannot imagine the joy He has for us, but He’s eager to offer it, just the same. It is His pleasure to offer us a life of wonder.
Steph Duff wants to live in a world where every human, whether small or regular-sized, learns to use their voice and is seen and known. When she's not traveling and story telling with Back2Back Ministries, you'll likely find her drinking excessive cups of coffee, with her nose in a book, or daydreaming about India. Her favorite scripture is Habakkuk 1:5, and she prays for a world in which Jesus is the name on every lip. Learn a little more about her love for semi-colons, what stirs her blood, and the yearnings of her heart over at www.stephaniduff.wordpress.com.